In our individualistic, judgmental, hard-charging, win at all costs world; compassion is not well-practiced or something that I’ve seen as a priority. However, I believe when we practice it consistently, and embody it, it can give us everything we are searching and pushing so hard for. Compassion allows us to loosen the grips of fear that hold us in constant judgment, and allows us to see ourselves and others through a different lens.

In the northern hemisphere, it is the winter solstice; a time for releasing what no longer serves, developing healthier and loving relationships with our darkness, and planting seeds to grow into our future selves - our truer selves. What if we created a new tradition for ourselves where we nourished and replenished our minds, bodies, emotions, and spirits moving into the new year inspired and empowered? We don’t have to wait for the new year to implement better habits and take care of ourselves.

By forgiving yourself, you can stop the shame and start healing, creating a more loving and deep connection with yourself and others.

But through the past few years of this deep inner work, I now know powerful thoughts and images that seem to appear from nowhere are the fear of that small and scared child inside me holding onto some feeling of comfort she thinks she needs. She has learned to use powerful thoughts and imagery to try and protect me, but I know what is behind those now. It’s my six-year-old self, trying to not become harmed in this world. I used to get quite angry with this part of myself, but I realized that is only becoming angry with another part of myself. A part that so badly needs to feel love, belonging and safety.

Kristen Neff, a compassion researcher, explains compassion as opening our hearts to our own pain and suffering, offering understanding and kindness upon failure or mistakes, and recognizing the shared human experience. It hasn’t always been clear to me what self-compassion is because my inner critic was such a trusted voice throughout my life. With enough new information and fresh perspectives and practice, we can transform the thoughts we generate, listen to, and trust to cultivate self-compassion and love all the parts of ourselves.

Learning to nurture ourselves is essential for our well-being. Over time we can forget what being nurtured feels like, and it may even become uncomfortable to accept nurturing from others as well. So we end up in a loop of discomfort, when we nurturing the most, but are unable to give it to ourselves and we reject it from others, which turns into many other emotions including anger, sadness, resentment, fear, and loneliness. Begin to speak to yourself like you would to a small child in need of care or treat yourself how you would like someone who loves you to treat you. Look for examples of nurturing that you can replicate within yourself. By practicing nurturing and self-compassion with ourselves we can move beyond those critical and negative voices in our heads, which can cause much of our fear and darkness to dissipate.

I’ve been trying to understand self-love for a long time. I read a lot of articles and books and have written the words myself that we each absolutely deserve love and belonging, but they continued to be just words to me. The feeling of heaviness and self-loathing wasn’t really going away.

I realize now that there is a difference between self-care and self-love and that self-love has to exist internally to really evolve.

That gloominess that was enveloping me has been replaced by a light and joyful energy, and I continued to remain curious about this occurrence, how it happened, and what could've created this change. That night, just before my inner Glenda showed up, I had finally asked a question that allowed space for a new energy and different emotions. I was stuck in a cycle of anger and fear and wasn't allowing space for compassion and joy, so when I realized my energy wasn't where I wanted it to be and questioned it, invitation and space were created to feel something different.

Continuing to remain curious and explore our reactions to our vulnerability and fear allows for realizations that ultimately create transformation. Discovering my automatic easy button, allows me to notice that I use it whenever I feel afraid or uncomfortable, and now something different can be done. I don't have to automatically push that button anymore. I don't have to always feel afraid.