But through the past few years of this deep inner work, I now know powerful thoughts and images that seem to appear from nowhere are the fear of that small and scared child inside me holding onto some feeling of comfort she thinks she needs. She has learned to use powerful thoughts and imagery to try and protect me, but I know what is behind those now. It’s my six-year-old self, trying to not become harmed in this world. I used to get quite angry with this part of myself, but I realized that is only becoming angry with another part of myself. A part that so badly needs to feel love, belonging and safety.

Kristen Neff, a compassion researcher, explains compassion as opening our hearts to our own pain and suffering, offering understanding and kindness upon failure or mistakes, and recognizing the shared human experience. It hasn’t always been clear to me what self-compassion is because my inner critic was such a trusted voice throughout my life. With enough new information and fresh perspectives and practice, we can transform the thoughts we generate, listen to, and trust to cultivate self-compassion and love all the parts of ourselves.

Curiosity is a practice and can be used as a method for discovery over and over again. Keep asking positively framed and generative questions starting with What can I and How can I and eventually the answers you are seeking will find you.

Learning to nurture ourselves is essential for our well-being. Over time we can forget what being nurtured feels like, and it may even become uncomfortable to accept nurturing from others as well. So we end up in a loop of discomfort, when we nurturing the most, but are unable to give it to ourselves and we reject it from others, which turns into many other emotions including anger, sadness, resentment, fear, and loneliness. Begin to speak to yourself like you would to a small child in need of care or treat yourself how you would like someone who loves you to treat you. Look for examples of nurturing that you can replicate within yourself. By practicing nurturing and self-compassion with ourselves we can move beyond those critical and negative voices in our heads, which can cause much of our fear and darkness to dissipate.

Begin to notice your habits, especially those you drawn to do repeatedly even though you may not want to be engaging in the activity, and begin thinking about what behaviors you would rather be doing or would serve you better.

Consider adding a healthier habit around one you would like to replace, and eventually when we experiment and repeat this enough, we will replace it with that new desired habit. Remain curious with the practice, reflect often, and adjust to create success.

There is a lot of talk about gratitude this time of year, and many of us express thanks for things and people. But, I’d like you to consider if you are really taking the time to lean in to the feelings of gratitude, especially during a time of year that is filled with so much activity and often stress.

This post is brought to you by featured guest author, Jesse Harless. He and his new book Smash Your Comfort Zone inspire us all to look at what simple challenges we can take each day to improve our motivation and to practice these actions that create growth daily. It’s for those who are looking to break through any self-imposed barriers. The result will be a life that excites you and helps you to thrive.

We can identify our easy buttons by recognizing the actions we go to for numbing and asking ourselves if we really need them. It may make us feel better right now, but it can be severely detrimental and even become an addiction overtime if left unchecked.

The pain in that moment was temporary. Once the race was over, the thought was gone, and I recovered physically quickly. But the progress of getting unstuck is permanent. That change is forever.

The age-old concept of the glass half-full or half-empty determining your outlook on life is far too simplified. This type of generalization regarding our situation is often why we struggle in the first place. When learning something new, relax and know that you are so much more than the contents of a glass. You will always be learning. You will be great at some things and not so great at others, and it is all perfect. When your inner judge gets too loud, open your heart to compassion and let her know that she will be okay, just like you will be okay as you dance your way through life’s lessons.

Self-care from a place of self-love replaces our easy button activities with ones that are good for our future selves. They are actions that will to allow us to wake up tomorrow feeling better and less tense.

Being open to new perspectives, especially when we are in pain and suffering enables us to grow and change…to see, try and understand things differently. Be open to new ideas and perspectives, at least consider them before choosing to refuse them. It is a choice after all and it may open your world to a whole new and improved experience.